Anger Management: The Beginning -- Post 7

(Again, I wrote this a couple days ago.)

I discovered that I'm running into another problem. I have to say, I'm a little surprised that I'm running into so many problems already. My other book, Anger Management by Judith Peacock, says that it's best to avoid all of my triggers so that I'll be angry less and I won't have to deal with the consequences of said anger. But really, how am I supposed to avoid all of those things. I think the main point is, I have an anger ISSUE, I get angry TOO often, which means that there is a wide range of things that anger me. Namely, people. I can't avoid people, they're everywhere. And yet, they're the thing that makes me angry most often. And no, it's not just a certain person or certain people, it's just people in general. I can avoid those certain people that I know make me angry on their own, but people in general? It just can't be done.
Then there's those stupid TV commercials for all those ringtones that no one wants. I mean, yeah, I can change the channel if I'm watching TV and one of those commercials come on, but I know it's there. And that makes me angry in and of its own. So do I just not watch TV? Or is that just letting my anger have control over me and keeping me from doing things. I don't think that's very productive either. So it's a catch 22. I don't know whether to go for the long term goal and not avoid things and just try to deal with them, or the short term one and just avoid them so that I won't get angry. I know it won't help the issue, but if I'm not angry, then it's something I suppose.

Anger Management: The Beginning -- Post 6

(Forgive the date on this blog I wrote it a few days ago in Word since Blogger wouldn't load for me)

In reading the book, Anger by Thich Nhaht Khan, I've realized that it will probably help me a lot. In one part of the book there is a checklist that tells you what to do when you're starting to get angry. I like checklists. Checklists make things simple and less ambiguous. So, I'm trying to follow it. So far it hasn't been foolproof. I mean, sometimes it's impossible to speak directly to the person who made you angry. Example! When something that's not concrete makes you angry, ie the Internet, which made me angry five minutes ago and prompted me to write this. I can't tell the internet it made me angry and I can't work things out with it. So what am I supposed to do?

Anger Management: The Beginning -- Post 5

I realized something else last night. Do you know what else makes me angry? Anger management books -- they always think they're right. What is that? You can't pinpoint someone's anger in a book like that. It's just ridiculous. The books say I should avoid my triggers but how can I avoid people? People, I tell you. I just don't understand. Clearly, most often, it's people that make other people angry. How are people supposed to avoid other people? It doesn't make any sense. And granted, I hate people in general, and this is something I've just accepted all my life, and I don't even want to avoid them. How are other people supposed to avoid them? People that actually like them, in general?

However, I am trying. I'm actually trying. I'm reading the books, despite my better judgement telling me to burn them and never look back. I'm taking their advice, despite the fact that my better judgement tells me it will do absolutely nothing for me. I am trying. I'm trying something new, actually, something from my book about Buddhism: as soon as I'm done being angry, I go and find the person with whom I am angry and apologize. And let me tell you, people think it's weird. I don't think it's doing anything, but it's only been a few days, so we're gonna keep on trucking.

Anger Management: The Beginning -- Post 4

I had a success yesterday. I was reading a book, and a very dandy book at that, and my mother just would not shut her trap. Instead of screaming at her and throwing my book, like I really wanted to, I simply spoke, instead. "Mother, this is a book in my hands, and in order to read it, people often need silence. If you could keep it down, that'd be awesome." Sure, it was a little bit passive aggressive, but it was better than what I originally intended to do. I consider it a success.

Anger Management: The Beginning -- Post 3

We're gonna back track here. I have some things to say that should've been said a few blogs ago. I've always been angry. It's hereditary, I think. Or maybe I just grew up in a house where people were always so angry and I picked it up. Either way, I blame it on my father. Granted, I love him dearly, I really do, I've always been a daddy's girl, but it's his fault I'm so angry.

Mr. Walter, I'm going to be frank. This project makes me angry. And it's really poetically ironic, seeing as I'm trying to work on my anger issues, but every time I go to do it and it's related to this project, it just makes me angry. I know you were just talking about how you don't want to make us take a test and what not, but I'm not sure I see the point. I mean, sure, some of these things are psychological, but what is this going to teach me? I don't think I'm really learning anything. So it's very counter-intuitive for me to sit down and do something that makes me angry to make me less angry. See the point? Also, this paradox makes me angry.

Anger Management: The Beginning -- Post 2

You know, I've never questioned my religion. I've never been very religious, but I've never questioned it. One of my books, Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh, brings up Buddhism. Well, it doesn't actually bring it up, it's ABOUT Buddhism. I don't know what I think about it. I think it makes sense. I think that I believe it. But should I? I don't really know.
Regardless of that, Buddhists believe that the only way to be truly happy is to be free of negative emotions, especially anger. It's almost like anger is this toxin that is in your body and you need to be able to detox in order to be "free," as they call it. It made me think, you know? Surely if I wasn't so angry all the time my life would be better. But is it true that I've never been truly happy before because I'm so angry? It made me think about some depressing things.
I tried to think of the last time I could say I was truly happy. Not content where things are going okay and I can smile, but truly happy. The kind of happy where you feel like you're floating on air and you whistle all the time, where you get lost in the moment because it's just that good. I can't remember when that was. (Which, of course, made me angry.)
So do I believe in Buddhism? Well, I'm skeptical. But I'll for damn sure give it a try.
So, I've found my triggers, I know what makes me the most angry, and since I'm not to keen on the idea of meditation, Buddhism says that I need to talk to people about my anger. Look out, mom, here I come!

Anger Management: The Beginning -- Post 1

In all the books I've skimmed and all the websites I've looked through (including my two books: Anger by Thich Naht Hahn and Anger Management by Judith Peacock), I've find one common thread. they all say that I need to find my triggers before I can learn to control my anger. However, they vary in what these triggers are. Some say I need to identify what makes me the most angry and some say that I need to identify how I feel when I start getting angry. I decided to do both and here's what I got:
Things that make me angry most are people who always think they're right. When people are wrong, I get it, I accept it, I move on. But, when people are insistent on things and have a constant demeanor like they're better than everyone, they make me angry by just being around me. It's bad. On the opposite side of the spectrum I hate stupid people. Now I know how that sounds, but I don't mean unintelligent people or anything like that. I hate people who have absolutely no common sense -- people who can't do laundry, people who don't know how get by in life without their mommies and daddies. People like that.
When I get angry I get this really uncomfortable feeling. It's like every molecule inside my body is buzzing around and won't sit still. Every part of me is urging for action -- screaming, yelling, outbursts -- but there's nothing I can do. It makes me twitch from time to time and it makes me fidget. What am I supposed to do? I don't know. And it drives me crazy until I finally just can't take it anymore. That's when the yelling actually starts and when the problems begin.