Anger Management: The End!: Final Post!!

I really did not make very much progress with my anger issues. There was some spotty progress here and there, but I think it was more dumb luck or just my mood on a certain day than it was concrete progress with my anger. Some things worked for me in certain situations, but only sometimes. For instance, when I got into a fight with my friend it helped to talk to my mom about it and vent, but when something school or teacher or stranger related pissed me off, talking about it didn't help, it just made me infuriated all over again.

I learned a few things about myself in this process. Well, really, there were things that I suspected, but were confirmed. For example, I am NOT a text book case. I can't read a book that says here you go this is how you manage your anger, and have it work. I cannot follow any plan that works for "the average joe." Exercise works because it makes more endorphins flow through my body, this is biological, of course it happens. It doesn't make me less angry, it just makes me happier when I'm done working out and I feel "lighter" for a while. There is nothing magical about it. I am Jenna, I am not the average American citizen, in fact I'd like to think that I'm quite different from the average person. I have my own brain that self-help books know literally nothing about. I can't fit into a certain category of anger because there is no mold that I'm made of that you can shove me back into.

If I were to give someone advice about their anger issues, I would tell them to do nothing about it at all. Anger is a natural part of life and there's nothing you can do about it. Just deal with it and move on with your life. Accept it and take it in as a part of who you are. Live it. Love it. Embrace it.

Anger Management: The End!: Post 20

Fruits and veggies are a no go. Throw in an apple after school. A few strawberries at lunch. And peas, carrots or string beans at dinner. I've been eating them for a few days now, but I seem to be no better (also no worse) than I was with just plain exercise. Although, I mean, side effect, I seem to have been addicted to this exercise nonsense. It's really entertaining. And that's a plus for my lifestyle in general, but maybe not this project.

So fruits and veggies are off the list.

Anger Management: The End!: Post 19

More proactive anger management. It's the best kind I think.

"Your food diet is also important. Avoid red meat, liquor and fried fats. Eat healthy foods that free up your colon and cool your digestive system. Fresh vegetables and cold fruits help your brain release chemicals which cheer you up and make you feel happier. Look to not eat foods which you notice make you feel depressed or slow. And definitely stay away from liquor which taxes your liver and plays with your emotions." from http://www.articlesbase.com/self-improvement-articles/anger-management-how-to-control-your-anger-in-3-quick-steps-770267.html

So I need to eat healthier. More fruits and more veggies. Hopefully it helps.

Anger Management: The End: Post 18!

So today. It was really a crappy day. I presented an awful English presentation. And then on my way to this class some freshman was behind me kicking an empty water bottle at my heels. Really. It was one of the most annoying things that's happened to me in a while. Who does that? How immature do you have to be? So here I am thinking, eh he'll stop when he realizes he's acting like a four year old. But no. No, he didn't. So I turned around and I told him "Kick that at me one more time and I swear I'll kill you." And he stopped. Are death threats appropriate? Nah, probably not. But it worked.

So yeah. Setbacks galore. But ya know. They happen. So if my progress is spotty is it really progress at all? Is exercise really working? Dude, I don't even know.

Anger Management: The End!: Post 17

Saw that really stupid annoying person in the hallway today and I didn't even get that tingly feeling in my hand like when I want to punch someone in the face. Improvement? I think so.

Also. My life feels less cluttered now. We've been at this exercise thing for over a week. Maybe the Buddhists are right. I wasn't really happy before. How depressing. But alas, it isn't, because now I am.

Anger Management: The Middle: Post 16

I think there will always be certain people who make me angry no matter how much I work out. There's this one person, who shall remain nameless, clearly. But this person is honestly the stupidest person I've met in my life. Honestly, stupid people just really bother me. Anything after this point before the end of this rant can be ignored. (It sounds bad, but I've said it before, and if you have absolutely no common sense and you expect daddy to pay your way through life, then you just have another thing coming. I hope you go to college and you realize that there's a world out there that doesn't revolve around your life and I hope you fail miserably so you can get a reality check. Not because I want you to be a better person or what not, but just because you'll whine and cry for months before you realize, oh wait, people here don't care if I want to go shopping and they need to finish my project for me. Clearly, they're not going to do it. Move on with your life and get this thing that most people like to call "common sense.")

Rant. Ends. Here.

But seriously, I think the problem with overcoming anger issues is realizing that some anger is normal. This type of anger will not change. When I see this person, I will still be infuriated for no apparent reason. Not changing.

Anger Management: The Middle: Post 15

I took a quiz today at mentalhealth.net (http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=3396&cn=116). They told me that if I answered more than 10 of their questions "true," then I had severe anger problems, and I answered 17 of them true. So does this mean that even if I exercise, I still have anger issues? I'm confused...

Anger Management: The Middle: Post 14

I have a terrible English group. We're working on a group project about 1984 by George Orwell and no one in my group even read the book. I'm supposed to be the group leader and it just isn't working. It made me very angry, you know. Trouble is, I'm sick so it's not so easy to work out without having to fall on the ground and wheeze for air. So what's a girl to do?

Anger Management: The Middle: Post 13

Setback. You just announced that blogs that were a couple sentences long were acceptable, even preferred. Now I wasted all that time writing longer blogs because it seemed like shorter ones weren't really good enough. This sucks. Also makes me angry. Gotta go home and work out.

Anger Management -- The Middle: Post 12

It's official, for the second day in a row, exercise has helped me. So here's what I say. Throw out the books. Throw out the buddhism. Forget triggers and stress balls and 10 step programs to relieve my anger and stress. Screw it all. Good old fashion exercise is the way to go. It's ironic how after all of that work of weeding through those annoying books and googling all of this self-help stuff, all I needed to do was go for a run around the block. Maybe it's just psychological that it's helping me, but I don't really care.
Normally, I'd be pissed that I'd gone through all of that effort just to find out that something so simple would work, but you know what, I'm not. And that's progress. Yippee.

Anger Management -- The Middle: Post 11

Today is a glorious day. Let me tell you. Yesterday I went home and I worked out and then I had dance class for an hour and a half. And I have not felt angry once today. Honestly, it's wonderful. I found something that works. Legitimately works. I'm happy because I worked out and I'm happy because I'm not angry, so I'm super happy. Like really happy. So today is one of those days where I'm at an all time high, at least for this project. So it's good. I now have a renewed sense of gusto for this too. It doesn't even matter what happens today, really, because it was just really good.
So thank you Mayo Clinic, you really helped.

Anger Management -- The Middle: Post 10

Today, I was looking through websites instead of my books for a change of pace. I came across some great advice on MayoClinic on their page http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/anger-management/MH00102. They suggested a few ways of relieving inner tension. One of their best suggestions was to exercise since it releases endorphins to your brain and makes you naturally happier. I really liked this tip because, other than avoiding things that make me angry, this is one of the only tips I've found that I can use BEFORE I get angry. It's something that, in theory, if I do it often, it should make me less tense and I'll get angry less often. Not to mention, it's good for you. So it's a double good.
In fact, I HAVE noticed that since I stopped having parking on campus and I've been walking fifteen minutes from my car to the school and then fifteen minutes back again, I've felt slightly less tense. Even though it's freezing cold outside. But then again, I could just be thinking that because I want it to be true.

Anger Management -- The Middle -- Post 9

I realized something when I was writing up my self-evaluation thingamabob about how far I've come on my project. You asked what the best tip I found was, and I wrote it down, to restate, it was that I should vent about my anger to someone who isn't connected to the situation so that no harm can come of it. It dawned on me why I liked this tip so much! I realized why I have anger issues! (Aside from the fact that I inherited it and what not.) When people close to me do things to make me angry, I often bottle it up because I don't want to hurt them with it. So then I have all this pent up anger and then when strangers do things or I see something on TV I just get really, really, really mad about it because it hits this, like, trigger switch in my brain. Astounding, no?
So, I mean, I haven't solved anything. In fact, now there's a new problem: I bottle up my emotions. And I don't really know what to do about it. But I will look into it.

Anger Management: The Beginning -- Post 8

I've taken to more skimming through my books than reading them chunks at a time, I've found that it makes me less angry that way. So when I was skimming through my Buddist book again today (Anger by Thich Naht Hanh), I came across something interesting. Now, granted, the metaphor was actually related to war, but I thought it applied to me to. Hanh said that when you lash out in anger you wind up hurting more than just the person you're angry with. You can hurt yourself, or even just other people around you when you lash out. Now, I try not to be a selfish person and I often don't even consider "will this make me happy" when I do things. I just kind of go with the flow. So in the beginning of the book when Hanh said that when you're angry, you'll never actually be happy, it didn't really convince me to do anything about my anger, but seeing it in print (whether I already knew it or not) that other people are going to get hurt whether I mean it or not, it was a little bit of a wake up call. So I decided I'm going to take note when I get angry (which clearly I'm trying to avoid, but it'll still happen) as to other people's reactions, not just who I'm mad at. Maybe I'll be surprised at what I find.

Anger Management: The Beginning -- Post 7

(Again, I wrote this a couple days ago.)

I discovered that I'm running into another problem. I have to say, I'm a little surprised that I'm running into so many problems already. My other book, Anger Management by Judith Peacock, says that it's best to avoid all of my triggers so that I'll be angry less and I won't have to deal with the consequences of said anger. But really, how am I supposed to avoid all of those things. I think the main point is, I have an anger ISSUE, I get angry TOO often, which means that there is a wide range of things that anger me. Namely, people. I can't avoid people, they're everywhere. And yet, they're the thing that makes me angry most often. And no, it's not just a certain person or certain people, it's just people in general. I can avoid those certain people that I know make me angry on their own, but people in general? It just can't be done.
Then there's those stupid TV commercials for all those ringtones that no one wants. I mean, yeah, I can change the channel if I'm watching TV and one of those commercials come on, but I know it's there. And that makes me angry in and of its own. So do I just not watch TV? Or is that just letting my anger have control over me and keeping me from doing things. I don't think that's very productive either. So it's a catch 22. I don't know whether to go for the long term goal and not avoid things and just try to deal with them, or the short term one and just avoid them so that I won't get angry. I know it won't help the issue, but if I'm not angry, then it's something I suppose.

Anger Management: The Beginning -- Post 6

(Forgive the date on this blog I wrote it a few days ago in Word since Blogger wouldn't load for me)

In reading the book, Anger by Thich Nhaht Khan, I've realized that it will probably help me a lot. In one part of the book there is a checklist that tells you what to do when you're starting to get angry. I like checklists. Checklists make things simple and less ambiguous. So, I'm trying to follow it. So far it hasn't been foolproof. I mean, sometimes it's impossible to speak directly to the person who made you angry. Example! When something that's not concrete makes you angry, ie the Internet, which made me angry five minutes ago and prompted me to write this. I can't tell the internet it made me angry and I can't work things out with it. So what am I supposed to do?

Anger Management: The Beginning -- Post 5

I realized something else last night. Do you know what else makes me angry? Anger management books -- they always think they're right. What is that? You can't pinpoint someone's anger in a book like that. It's just ridiculous. The books say I should avoid my triggers but how can I avoid people? People, I tell you. I just don't understand. Clearly, most often, it's people that make other people angry. How are people supposed to avoid other people? It doesn't make any sense. And granted, I hate people in general, and this is something I've just accepted all my life, and I don't even want to avoid them. How are other people supposed to avoid them? People that actually like them, in general?

However, I am trying. I'm actually trying. I'm reading the books, despite my better judgement telling me to burn them and never look back. I'm taking their advice, despite the fact that my better judgement tells me it will do absolutely nothing for me. I am trying. I'm trying something new, actually, something from my book about Buddhism: as soon as I'm done being angry, I go and find the person with whom I am angry and apologize. And let me tell you, people think it's weird. I don't think it's doing anything, but it's only been a few days, so we're gonna keep on trucking.

Anger Management: The Beginning -- Post 4

I had a success yesterday. I was reading a book, and a very dandy book at that, and my mother just would not shut her trap. Instead of screaming at her and throwing my book, like I really wanted to, I simply spoke, instead. "Mother, this is a book in my hands, and in order to read it, people often need silence. If you could keep it down, that'd be awesome." Sure, it was a little bit passive aggressive, but it was better than what I originally intended to do. I consider it a success.

Anger Management: The Beginning -- Post 3

We're gonna back track here. I have some things to say that should've been said a few blogs ago. I've always been angry. It's hereditary, I think. Or maybe I just grew up in a house where people were always so angry and I picked it up. Either way, I blame it on my father. Granted, I love him dearly, I really do, I've always been a daddy's girl, but it's his fault I'm so angry.

Mr. Walter, I'm going to be frank. This project makes me angry. And it's really poetically ironic, seeing as I'm trying to work on my anger issues, but every time I go to do it and it's related to this project, it just makes me angry. I know you were just talking about how you don't want to make us take a test and what not, but I'm not sure I see the point. I mean, sure, some of these things are psychological, but what is this going to teach me? I don't think I'm really learning anything. So it's very counter-intuitive for me to sit down and do something that makes me angry to make me less angry. See the point? Also, this paradox makes me angry.

Anger Management: The Beginning -- Post 2

You know, I've never questioned my religion. I've never been very religious, but I've never questioned it. One of my books, Anger by Thich Nhat Hanh, brings up Buddhism. Well, it doesn't actually bring it up, it's ABOUT Buddhism. I don't know what I think about it. I think it makes sense. I think that I believe it. But should I? I don't really know.
Regardless of that, Buddhists believe that the only way to be truly happy is to be free of negative emotions, especially anger. It's almost like anger is this toxin that is in your body and you need to be able to detox in order to be "free," as they call it. It made me think, you know? Surely if I wasn't so angry all the time my life would be better. But is it true that I've never been truly happy before because I'm so angry? It made me think about some depressing things.
I tried to think of the last time I could say I was truly happy. Not content where things are going okay and I can smile, but truly happy. The kind of happy where you feel like you're floating on air and you whistle all the time, where you get lost in the moment because it's just that good. I can't remember when that was. (Which, of course, made me angry.)
So do I believe in Buddhism? Well, I'm skeptical. But I'll for damn sure give it a try.
So, I've found my triggers, I know what makes me the most angry, and since I'm not to keen on the idea of meditation, Buddhism says that I need to talk to people about my anger. Look out, mom, here I come!

Anger Management: The Beginning -- Post 1

In all the books I've skimmed and all the websites I've looked through (including my two books: Anger by Thich Naht Hahn and Anger Management by Judith Peacock), I've find one common thread. they all say that I need to find my triggers before I can learn to control my anger. However, they vary in what these triggers are. Some say I need to identify what makes me the most angry and some say that I need to identify how I feel when I start getting angry. I decided to do both and here's what I got:
Things that make me angry most are people who always think they're right. When people are wrong, I get it, I accept it, I move on. But, when people are insistent on things and have a constant demeanor like they're better than everyone, they make me angry by just being around me. It's bad. On the opposite side of the spectrum I hate stupid people. Now I know how that sounds, but I don't mean unintelligent people or anything like that. I hate people who have absolutely no common sense -- people who can't do laundry, people who don't know how get by in life without their mommies and daddies. People like that.
When I get angry I get this really uncomfortable feeling. It's like every molecule inside my body is buzzing around and won't sit still. Every part of me is urging for action -- screaming, yelling, outbursts -- but there's nothing I can do. It makes me twitch from time to time and it makes me fidget. What am I supposed to do? I don't know. And it drives me crazy until I finally just can't take it anymore. That's when the yelling actually starts and when the problems begin.